Wedding

"Funktheduck" (funktheduck) 05/29/2015 at 08:27 • Filed to: None

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I’m the best man in a wedding tomorrow. I’m worried about my speech at the reception. I have a general outline of what I’m gonna say but I have a huge issue with public speaking and the wedding has over 200 guests. Any tips or good opening jokes? I have to keep it mild because I don’t know most of those people and don’t want to embarrass myself or make someone mad. Any other Oppos have any experience? Any good quotes to close out on?

(Was gonna post a pic of a 60s corvette but kinja’d)

pip bip - choose Corrour > Funktheduck 05/29/2015 at 08:34

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you poor bastard.

should’ve passed on being best man.

Jcarr > Funktheduck 05/29/2015 at 08:35

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I've done it before, as well as speaking at my own wedding. Just relax and speak casually. A few drinks before hand doesn't hurt either.

505Turbeaux > Funktheduck 05/29/2015 at 08:37

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pound alot of beer and get it done. Make sure the rest of the 200 people are well oiled too and nothing can go wrong

Axel-Ripper > Funktheduck 05/29/2015 at 08:39

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Yay wedding season. I’m attending one tomorrow that my fiance is Maid of Honoring.

And lets be honest, no one has ever been good at giving best man speeches. Unless this wedding is in Rochester, NY by some strange coincidence. Then I’ll be sure to heckle you.

Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap > Funktheduck 05/29/2015 at 08:40

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I don’t know. Maybe tell a story?

What I remember from a public speaking thing was be sure to not focus on one side of the room. Make sure you look at other tables besides the table who just got married.

spacecase > Funktheduck 05/29/2015 at 08:41

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Just realize that it isn’t about you, and that all 200 people are pulling for you, not against you. Be calm, remember to breathe, swivel your head a bit, and, when you pull it off like the boss you are (Best man, yo!), the memory of success you create will stay with you and provide you with years and years of self-confidence.

Or, you could totally fuck it up, thus beginning a years long slide into poverty/ drug addiction/friendlessness/and a much, much too early death by suicide.. :(

It’s your choice...

Mazel Tov!!

ttyymmnn > Funktheduck 05/29/2015 at 08:41

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“Marriage is a wonderful institution. But who wants to live in an institution?”

- Groucho Marx

Go ahead and write your speech down. Nobody will care. And keep it short. Nobody wants to listen. Good luck.

BigBlock440 > Funktheduck 05/29/2015 at 08:43

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“A best man’s speech should last no longer than the groom can last in bed, so I’m done” [dramatic pause]

*I don’t remember exactly how it was worded, but you get the idea. My wife was not happy, but it was funny.

whatisthatsound > Funktheduck 05/29/2015 at 08:45

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“Fornication, I mean for an occasion.” Open with it everyone will laugh and you won’t be nervous anymore.

You can make it funny but the jokes need to only make fun of the groom and compliment the bride. You want to make wedding speeches like hors d’oeuvres. They should be catered to everyone and have just enough flavor to keep the room interested and attentive for a short while, but always remember you are not the main course. The bride and groom are.

Captain of the Enterprise > Funktheduck 05/29/2015 at 08:47

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Rip one off of a movie but change the names so it will fit and maybe some people recognize it and laugh

Tohru > Funktheduck 05/29/2015 at 08:48

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Tell everyone about the time you and the groom went to Thailand and the groom picked up a lady boy. Even if it didn’t actually happen.

Nibby > Funktheduck 05/29/2015 at 08:50

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“A wedding is $10,000 but a divorce is $100,000. Why? It’s worth it.”

Things not to say in your speech.

Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo > Funktheduck 05/29/2015 at 08:51

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Do you care about the guy? Do you want him to be happy with his bride? Then say so. You’ll do fine. If you want to provide a chuckle, perhaps share a little story of something silly the guy did once, but not a foobar. Address the bride by name and tell her that she’s taking a good man for a husband. Keep it classy. You’ll be fine.

One suggestion: don’t get drunk. You’re there to have the groom’s back and you’ll be useless to him if you’re intoxicated.

Good luck!

Sn210 > ttyymmnn 05/29/2015 at 08:55

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My best man wrote his toast down on a small memo notepad. He’d pause when he had to flip the page, it was actually hilarious

Funktheduck > Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo 05/29/2015 at 08:56

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There's a cocktail hour before I think. I will have to limit myself to 1 or none.

Funktheduck > ttyymmnn 05/29/2015 at 08:57

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Definitely gonna write it down. When I speak in front of more than a few people my mind jumps around from nerves and it never works out how I want it to

Funktheduck > Sn210 05/29/2015 at 08:59

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I thought about doing something like this. Maybe have a few blank note cars I take out of the actual speech and put in my pocket making a joke about how they were too scandalous

jariten1781 > Funktheduck 05/29/2015 at 08:59

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My wife has been matron of honor at like 7 or 8 weddings in the last 3 or 4 years...and maid of honor at a couple before that (BTW I’m so sick of weddings...we didn’t even have one). Her go-to is generally state how she felt when she first met the girl with some light hearted insults, then how she thought the relationship wasn’t going to work because the guy was too brash, too shy, fill in the blank. Then, when everyone is feeling a slight uncomfortable she chokes up a little and talks about how everything has changed and how they’re both better more complete people together and that she can no longer imagine her friend without her other half. Always goes over pretty well.

She’s a god damned pro.

thebigbossyboss > Funktheduck 05/29/2015 at 09:00

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I don’t mean to be “that guy” but I will boast that I am good at public speaking and I also play the bugle so I sometimes have to play in front of people. Last fall I played solo in front 400-500 people.

My advices are thus: Practice practice practice. Even if you plan to read your speech from a sheet, practice reading it aloud as much as you can. You want to make sure that you don’t trip over any hard to pronounce sentences like “right rear wheel” ...or whatever. You’d be surprised where they crop up.

Secondly, instill confidence in yourself. Become the little engine that could. “I know I can” is an attitude you will need. Say it to yourself. Say you know you got this. Repeat it as many times and necessary. Just as easy to psych yourself up to nail it, then it is to psych yourself out.

Let us know how it goes.

Best

BBB

Funktheduck > whatisthatsound 05/29/2015 at 09:03

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Yeah. The last wedding I was at the maid of honor made her speech all about her. For every time she mentioned the bride AND groom she said I/me/my about 10 times. People at our table were whispering talking about how she made their wedding about her (true to her form at least).

Funktheduck > Jcarr 05/29/2015 at 09:05

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There's a cocktail hour before I think. I will probably be too nervous to drink out of fear of getting drunk or something.

Hermann > Funktheduck 05/29/2015 at 09:06

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First, a few tips, as I got married a year ago:

Don’t get drunk before all your main duties are done. Once all the photos are photographed and all speeches are spoken, drink.

When I got married I was so busy at the reception thanking people and taking pictures with relatives that I didn’t have time to actually enjoy it. I couldn’t just interrupt a conversation to ask a waiter for more beer or something so I could enjoy what we paid for. My best man ensured at all times that a waiter would supply me with beer and Whiskey without me having to ask for it. This was awesome. You can get the best team of waiters, but they still can’t guess when you’re craving for a cold beer, your best man can. From all things that I remember from the wedding, this is one of the best things, because it showed how much he cared for me.

As for the Speech, open with a general joke. Something to do with marriage or general situation to crack at the people who you don’t know.

Funktheduck > Axel-Ripper 05/29/2015 at 09:08

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I’ll be in NC but wouldn’t that be crazy?

I blame YouTube. There are too many videos setting the bar high for weddings these days.

Funktheduck > Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap 05/29/2015 at 09:09

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Yeah. I've done some speaking in front of groups of 20-30 before. First few times were nerve racking but got easier as I did them. I haven't done it in years though or in front of that many people.

Funktheduck > Tohru 05/29/2015 at 09:10

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Yeah..... About that.....

Funktheduck > 505Turbeaux 05/29/2015 at 09:11

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I can almost guarantee at least some of the crowd will be from dry counties. I want to stay friends with them so giving a horrible drunken speech won't be in the cards

Funktheduck > Nibby 05/29/2015 at 09:12

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With the right crowd I’d open with that. I'm scaling myself back.

505Turbeaux > Funktheduck 05/29/2015 at 09:13

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ah yeah that makes it tough. Up here in drunken, dysfunctional New England everyone just gets trashed so they can numb the pain of seeing the “other side” of the family that they are feuding with. Good luck and godspeed. Wish I had better advice

Sn210 > Funktheduck 05/29/2015 at 09:19

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Yeah do whatever you feel comfortable with. It’ll be fine

BugEyedBimmer - back in the Saddle Dakota Leather > Funktheduck 05/29/2015 at 09:23

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When I had to give my Best Man speech at my friends wedding I compared us as his guy friends to his wife’s father. What I mean by that is that while fathers have to approve of the groom. Your boys have to approve of your wife. I didn’t, but I said I did.

They’re getting divorced now. Maybe I shouldn’t have lied...

Axel-Ripper > Funktheduck 05/29/2015 at 09:33

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Yeah I agree. My cousin’s wedding included the Maid of Honor with a personalized version of Lose Yourself as her first of at least 2 speeches. It was amusing for the first verse, but she carried on for the entire song, which just got annoying.

whatisthatsound > Funktheduck 05/29/2015 at 09:33

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When I did my brothers, I said I have a few things to share with you all. I pulled out an entire 500 card deck to watch the audience face then looked at the dj and said alright I guess we will skip the slideshow. Playing off the crowd keeps everyone interested.

Tohru > Funktheduck 05/29/2015 at 09:51

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You’re not supposed to mention the lady boy that you picked up.

Funktheduck > jariten1781 05/29/2015 at 09:59

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If I knew the crowd at all I might go with slightly risqué joke but I don’t and I’ve already embarrassed myself in front of the bride’s mom enough

Funktheduck > Tohru 05/29/2015 at 10:05

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Wish someone told me that before I sent out the story on the list serv for the wedding

Funktheduck > Axel-Ripper 05/29/2015 at 10:07

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Takes dedication to do the whole thing though.

Funktheduck > BugEyedBimmer - back in the Saddle Dakota Leather 05/29/2015 at 10:09

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Ouch. Sucks when you know that stuff but can't say anything.

Funktheduck > 505Turbeaux 05/29/2015 at 10:11

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Are you sure you're in New England and not in Kentucky?

505Turbeaux > Funktheduck 05/29/2015 at 10:15

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Maine, the Kentucky of New England

Funktheduck > Hermann 05/29/2015 at 10:22

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That's good advice. I forget how busy the bride/groom get. Someone once told me they barely got to eat and they had to get food after the reception

Hermann > Funktheduck 05/29/2015 at 11:00

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Yeah! You basically have to eat the leftovers of your own wedding if there isn’t someone to support you. And that’s shitty.

Best thing was that I never had to ask this, he did it because it happened to him when he got married. I’ll never forget when I was on the 200th or something picture with relatives, with my face hurting from smiling, my best man coming to me with a cold pint of beer and a whisky. “Here. No one did this to me when I got married, and I know how you’re feeling right now.”

cazzyodo > Funktheduck 05/29/2015 at 11:00

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Well, I nearly wet my pants when I was best man at my friend’s wedding so I started with one of our shared favorite movies...

Made me feel better and he loved it.

thebigbossyboss > 505Turbeaux 05/29/2015 at 11:22

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Unrelated: Is Maine the only eastern state with Mooses?

505Turbeaux > thebigbossyboss 05/29/2015 at 11:28

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I have only ever heard of them up here. Maybe NH in some parts

thebigbossyboss > 505Turbeaux 05/29/2015 at 11:33

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I see. I think all provinces have Moose up here except PEI. In newfoundland they are an introduced species, because people are idiots.

Wagonboy > Funktheduck 05/29/2015 at 11:47

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If you ever want to see the couple again remember it’s HER day. Been planning it for a year and every little detail, that only she notices, that isn’t perfect is a stab in her back. Keep it honest, graceful and respectful and load it with genuine pleasantries ensuring your place at their table forever. Speak your heart and you won't need a script. Then go take all the credit cards out of the grooms wallet, fill his toothpaste with suntan lotion, remove all the shoelaces from his honeymoon luggage and stuff a few gay-porn magazines in there for good measure.

norskracer98-ExploringTheOutback > thebigbossyboss 05/29/2015 at 15:56

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NY has a small population of them, and when I say small I mean a few hundred.

norskracer98-ExploringTheOutback > Funktheduck 05/29/2015 at 15:58

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I too will be at wedding tomorrow. Although I’m not in it.

Yay for sitting near a lake near Ithaca for the afternoon on proper clothes!